Forty-four months ago, a little girl wandered into my life. She was rather ridiculous, really. After all, she was wearing fleece footy pajamas. I'm fairly sure they had monkeys on them. Maybe it was the pajamas, and not the girl, that made everything so ridiculous. But that kid just made me want to smile.
My two eldest kids had just appeared in the Fall Drama at their high school, Phil as a freshman, and Allie, a junior. It was the first time Phil had ever been on stage of his own free will. Though I'm pretty sure it was all Allie's idea.
The play was a quirky production called "Stages." It was a series of scenes through the course of a lifetime, ending with Allie in powdered gray hair, wrinkles, and reading glasses, wearing an old-lady skirt with tennis shoes. Phil's big scene was toward the beginning, as "Linus" of Peanuts fame. And it all started with the little girl in the monkey pajamas. I wasn't even sure she was a high school student; oftentimes, younger kids would be offered a small part in the play.
After the show, I was waiting for Allie and Phil to come out, and I saw the little girl just kind of standing there. I said hello, and, guessing she would more likely know my younger child, I introduced myself as Phil's mom.
Her name was Rebecca, and we had a really nice conversation, but it was cut short by the appearance of a nice looking gentleman and sweet, smiling woman. In those brief moments, I learned that she not only attended the high school, but that she was a freshman who had a couple of classes with Phil. We chatted about school (she assured me she liked it), her role in the play (she had been a little scared about being first on stage, but it filled me with pride when she mentioned that Allie had helped to put her at ease), and her best school friends were named Sammy and Drew (I knew of them both through Phil's stories). As she left to greet that lovely couple, who turned out to be her parents, she paused, gave me a big hug, and said, "I like you, Phil's mom!"
My attention turned immediately to Phil and Allie. They were congratulated, given the requisite candy and flowers, and into the car we went.
One thing my kids do amazingly well is choose friends. The word "friend" means a lot to them, and I know if they are bringing a friend home, this is someone worth getting to know, and unlikely to be the "wrong crowd" type of kid.
Over the next four years of high school, Rebecca remained part of Phil's group of friends. She would become a constant over time, in the vein of, "And of course Rebecca was there," when I asked who had been along for lunch, pizza, a movie, a trip to the mall, or a night of bowling. She was always mentioned right alongside Sammy and Drew, and I learned over time that she brought fashion sense (when Phil needed to buy clothes for work), spunk, and most of all, fun wherever she went. I also learned that I could rely on this kid to always give me a bright smile and a huge hug...every single time I saw her, without fail.
Allie considered her a friend as well, sharing a class during her senior (Rebecca's sophomore) year, and on several occasions, sharing the stage. Our third-born, Mary Cate, grew to love Rebecca immensely, almost as much as Phil did, when Rebecca, a junior, welcomed Mary Cate, an eighth-grader, into the high school Drama Club with open arms. And the same hug she always offered to me. The following year, Mary Cate was thrilled to find Rebecca on her volleyball team, and enthusiastically joined "She's the First," because Rebecca thought to invite her. A senior who didn't mind that this little freshman looked up to her--they each chose to be friends with the other.
Rebecca and Phil's friendship grew over their four years together. She wasn't just the girl in the pajamas. She was a dependable friend, and Phil got to know her much better while working on a group project for English class at her house.
Rebecca became as indispensable to Phil as any of his friends; by senior year, they landed the coveted last-period study hall. Coveted because they could leave school early, and frequently did, mostly to run to the mall or grab an ice cream, along with a cast of characters including Katharine, Ben, Drew, Brianna, Jamar, and Soph, among others.
On their graduation night, Phil posed for a picture with two of his closest friends, Drew and Rebecca. We three moms turned the tables on them and took a selfie. It was a night to celebrate.
I'm sure by now most of you know the Rebecca of whom I speak is Rebecca Townsend. Her life was tragically ended just under a month following this joyous graduation night. My son loves her fiercely, as do I. As one of these kids said, "We were friends, Rebecca has made us family."
My heart, Phil's heart, the hearts of all these kids and their families, well, they are broken. We are only able to heal--somewhat--through the kindnesses being done in Rebecca's name. "She's the First" is set to flourish at their school, and many high schools and colleges nationwide. #RememberingRebecca has taken over the Internet, with people worldwide doing good works in her memory. BuzzFeed has picked up Rebecca's story globally, as have publications all over the planet, not just because of her charity work but because of her famous bucket list.
She saved many lives that night. Ben's, obviously, when she pushed him out of the path of the oncoming car. But the other kids as well; they know they can count on one another, not just now, but for the rest of their lives. They will be there not only for the peaks but for the valleys, those times when the world would be too much to bear but for the love of friends. They will all be just a little kinder, as will we all, as we recall what Becca would have done if she were in our shoes.
And, though we can't ever completely recover from this tragic loss, I hope that in time we will all go from heart-broken to heart-chipped. That little chip in all our hearts will be exactly Rebecca-shaped.
The last time I saw Rebecca, she was leaving our house following Phil's graduation party. She gave me her trademark hug, and our last words to each other were, "I love you," "I love you too." You bet I do, Becca, I love you forever.